The New Kid Trauma And Why It’s Good For You

By: Bobin Park

Every child, teen, or adult is commonly afraid of one thing: other children, teenagers, or adults.  People have developed a fear of confronting people alone, especially when they are in a new environment. Most people single out this experience as “terrifying”, “scary” or just “don’t want to be in that situation again.” But when you are repeatedly in these nerve-wracking situations, it actually helps you. 

As someone who has moved around 3 countries, over 5 schools, and always ended up with friends, I can relate. By going through the experience of being the new kid multiple times, I’ve become more comfortable putting myself in front of others. I go around introducing myself to people when no one is talking, always saying hi, and asking for just about everyone’s phone number. We’ve all been there, in a quiet room filled with awkward silence. Most of the people around you are already friends so you’re alone. You imagine yourself either running away or introducing yourself to the person next to you. Though I have become a master at “Run away and seek shelter” I prefer to just straight up start the conversation. Enthusiasm always makes social interactions easy. Your attitude shows them that you are friendly and want to know people. This is important because those same people might be just as afraid as you are. 

Think about how they feel, it won’t be much different from yours. Honestly, you guys are feeling the same thing. Because it’s hard to make conversations with strangers and no one knows how to not-awkwardly start it first. The truth is, you have to start it if you want it badly. You have an initiative, others might not. That initiative to make friends and have a comfortable school/work-life must triumph over your fears and social anxieties. Just remember that they aren’t going to judge you, as difficult as it may be and that they are thinking the same thing you are at the moment. 

Here are five more specific reasons why going through this is good for you. 

First, people need a challenge. It’s an age-old argument, but people need to continuously surround themselves with new people. Sure, it’s nice to have someone that’s been with you for years, but you won’t get much out of life that way. You are paying for your school/work experience with money, time, and other investments. Extract as much as you can by learning new things from new people. There is an opportunity cost in this; if you lose out on meeting new people, you’ll be losing a could-be friend, lover, or video game buddy. Being stuck in a shell deprives you of the chance of diversity of thought and experience. 

Second, you get to build social connections. In a lot of books, main characters are said to have “gone to the same event” or “school” and they magically come out as best friends. While this oversimplifies the process, they point out that it’ll be in your best interest to get to know these people. They could be the president of your club or someone who runs a small business that you would love to work on. There is no better opportunity than school/work to grab onto this chance because the other people that don’t share this connection with them will never get that chance to know them better. Being close with them automatically lets that person know more about you as a person and begin to view you as trustworthy or skilled. 

Third, it helps you build a positive mindset. The very premise this process is built on is the idea that you are lacking confidence and that you can’t put yourself out there easily. People who are full of self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love know that they are worth being talked to and that they won’t get hurt even if the person turns out to be rude. By trying to talk to other people, you will be surprised by the number of nice people that welcome a chance to talk. This will alter your thought process into believing that you are someone everyone wants to know. They are essential in making you excited to make new relationships and cushioning you whenever you actually get hurt, which I assure you, barely happens. 

Last, the repetition of this process makes this way less hard. Though the first step is always the most difficult, if you continuously and voluntarily put yourself in this situation, you’ll have more practice in your social skills, know more people, and enjoy it eventually. Some people go out of their way to do this because it gives them a shot of adrenaline talking to people caused by the anxiety and unexpectedness of that person’s reaction. 

Whenever you see someone you don’t know, feel free to talk to them, no one is stopping you. And when you get a chance, find a new New Kid and make sure they feel comfortable as well. While it’s always good for self-initiative, having a random person help you out on this difficult process goes a long way.